Dialogue Writing III-IV: Interior Monologue
Lesson 3 — Interior Monologue Intensifies the Narrative
In Lessons 1-2 we learned that dialogue without emotion can be boring, and conflict energizes the conversation. We also learned that the deft use of idioms can raise emotion and push past the boundaries of “dreary realism.” Two characters exchanging “just the facts” may not be interesting at all. In Lesson 3, we add interior monologue to the mix in a fiction format, raising emotion further by directly revealing the raw, visceral feelings and thoughts of a character. This intensifies the reader experience considerably.
In fiction, we have a mixture of dialogue and narrative. The dialogue shows us the characters in their own voices, but the narrative proceeds normally in the authorial voice. Using interior monologue as part of the narration, we can create something different. It is not the same as stream-of-consciousness, but it is much more instinctive than carefully crafted standard narrative, even when emotion is purposely foregrounded. These are the internal thoughts and feelings, unedited, of a character.
Consider the following authorial notes (not yet the final edited form) from a developing murder mystery. The scene is a meeting of three daughters after the death of the father. The author sketches out some dialogue and a short narrative paragraph following:
Marjorie: “Today we will hear the lawyer read the will.”
Selma: “I think we already know what he will say.”
Marjorie: “Probably, but this will make it official.”
Greta: “What if we don’t like what it says?”
Selma: “Like it or not, it’s the official final chapter.”
Greta: “It may not be the final chapter for me.”
Selma: “That’s not our problem.”
Marjorie: “You’re always complaining. This will put an end to that.”
Greta: “Yes, you think it will end. But maybe it won’t.”
Marjorie: “As if you have any say in the matter.”
Greta knew what her sisters planned. They wanted to sell the small art gallery that she and her father loved so much. It was not a big money-maker like the “family business,” the box company. But their scheme might not happen.
At this point in the creative process, the author decides to dig deeper into Greta’s revealed character by injecting interior monologue into the narrative. He replaces the authorial narrator with Greta’s own raw voice, full of hatred and vindictive bitterness out of her own thoughts and feelings. I have put the inner monologue in italics. What is the end result for the reader from this deeper glimpse into Greta? Consider the following rewrite:
Marjorie: “Today we will hear the lawyer read the will.”
Selma: “I think we already know what he will say.”
Marjorie: “Probably, but this will make it official.”
Greta: “What if we don’t like what it says?”
Selma: “Like it or not, it’s the official final chapter.”
Greta: “It may not be the final chapter for me.”
Selma: “That’s not our problem.”
Marjorie: “You’re always complaining. This will put an end to that.”
Greta: “Yes, you think it will end. But maybe it won’t.”
Marjorie: “As if you have any say in the matter.”
As if I have any say? I can’t wait to see you behind bars, bitches. Orange jumpsuits and hair shaven like scags with crabs. Did you know I recorded your conversation about untraceable poisons? You’re evil like rabid dogs. And I will see you put down like rabid dogs.
The reader now sees Greta hateful and vindictive, using coarse language. Her suspicion, distrust, and passionate anger towards her sisters is clear. She utilizes a powerful, graphic idiom (“put down like rabid dogs”) which paints the retribution in store for her evil sisters for poisoning their father. Her special love for her father is implicit. She is not passive or submissive, as might be implied in the first writing. She intends to conquer evil in her righteous anger.
FICTION FORMAT
Now the author has to make some editing adjustments to the scene. This is fiction, this is not a screenplay. Consider the following rewrite:
“Today we will hear the lawyer read the will,” said Marjorie.
“I think we already know what he will say,” Selma responded.
“Probably, but this will make it official.”
“What if we don’t like what it says?” asked Greta.
“Like it or not,” said Selma, “it’s the official final chapter.”
“It may not be the final chapter for me,” said Greta.
Selma smiled. “That’s not our problem.”
“You’re always complaining,” said Marjorie. “This will put an end to that.”
“Yes,” Greta replied, “you think it will end. But maybe it won’t.”
“As if you have any say in the matter,” said Marjorie.
This is the initial dialogue. Now the interior monologue follows:
As if I have any say? I can’t wait to see you behind bars, bitches. Orange jumpsuits and hair shaven like scags with crabs. Did you know I recorded your conversation about untraceable poisons? You’re evil like rabid dogs. And I will see you put down like rabid dogs.
[Note: I have italicized the interior monologue here. That is not always done in the final edit.]
Consider using interior monologue among your narrative techniques when interspersing with dialogue. It breaks through plain unadorned realism in surprising ways. It may fit perfectly with a writing strategy to raise emotion and advance the plot. It achieves vivid tones in character revelation and the corresponding desired intensity of reader experience.
Dialogue Writing IV
Lesson 4 — Punctuation
Punctuation in American English dialogue has a few rules, but it’s not difficult. It must be mastered. The most important rule is to enclose the words spoken and all punctuation between open and close quotes, like this:
“Hi, Jeremy. What’s new with you?”
Notice that everything in this line of dialogue is enclosed between the two quotation marks: words, comma, period and question mark. There can be other punctuation, too: exclamation marks, em-dash:
“I am superb! I am so happy I could–”
“Don’t tell me, let me guess. You could scream, right?”
The em-dash is sometimes seen with a space before and after, but without is preferred.
All punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks:
Wrong: *“Hi Jeremy”. Right: “Hi, Jeremy.”
Speaker tags identify the speakers, and should be set off with a comma inside the quotes:
“That was the best movie I’ve ever seen,” said Catherine.
“Said” is the default verb in an attribution, and it’s the best one. Use it (most of the time). You could alternatively put the attribution first, as follows (make sure a comma follows the attribution verb):
Catherine said, “That was the best movie I’ve ever seen.”
Notice the “t” in “That” is capitalized. The reason for this is to highlight the speech of your characters.
The comma placement rule holds even if another attribution verb is used:
Catherine announced, “That was the best movie I’ve ever seen.”
Another rule is that you must start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes, with or without an attribution:
Jasper said, “Come over to my place tonight.”
“Okay, I promise you I’ll be there at 8:00,” Billy replied.
“That sounds perfect. See you then!”
If in the last sentence an attribution had been given to Jasper after the first statement, all the previous rules would still apply:
“That sounds perfect,” said Jasper. “See you then!”
Billy nodded and waved.
If a character speaks at length, for more than one paragraph, do not use close quotes at the end of the first paragraph, but do use open quotes again at the beginning of the second:
“I’ll tell you this quick little story about how I got bitten by a dog when I was riding my bicycle. It was a new bike I got on my birthday, and I decided to ride up one side of Mt. Helix.
“So I set out up this steep road and finally got to the top. There I was just circling around a neighborhood, minding my own business, when a big German shepherd attacked me. I tried to escape but he was too fast, and he bit me once before I got away.”
If a character quotes another character, use single quote marks for the interior quote:
“Lucy told me what she said,” I proclaimed. “She said she was pissed, and screamed, ‘I’m gonna kill you!’ So I just took off then and there.”
“That sounds like Lucy,” said George. “When she gets mad, she always says ‘I’m gonna kill you.’”
Notice there are literally three quote marks at the end, first the interior quote mark (an apostrophe) and then the two close quote marks ending George’s speech act.
Dialogue Writing
Learn Conversational English
About the Author
480 English Idioms
Home